Buffy Reimagined

If you know me even a litte, you know that I love Buffy. If you know me well, you know just how much I love Buffy. If you don't know me well, I love Buffy a lot. It's my favorite non-sitcom television show. I separate those because there's no way I could choose between Buffy and Arrested Development.

Anyway, I read an article a while ago where the author recast Buffy. There was a supposed Buffy movie sans creator Joss Whedon at the time and I didn't hear and/or read about any Buffy fans who were excited about it. Mainly because it's a terrible idea. Anyway, I was reading this article with the idea that it was something that shouldn't and wouldn't happen, which made it easier to swallow.

I didn't much care for many of his choices (here's the link if you want to take a look: http://www.pajiba.com/seriously_random_lists/a-buffy-the-vampire-slayer-reboot-that-wouldnt-make-me-gag.php), but it did get me thinking. Who would I cast in a Buffy reboot?

Before I give you my selections, I have a couple caveats. First, don't take age too seriously with this. And when I say, "don't take age too seriously" I really mean, "if you think about age here, it will make you gag so keep it out of your mind." My Buffy is currently 15 and my Angel is 34. Just pretend She's at least legal, and he's a good 10 years younger. Second, this is a TV show, not a movie. I picked WAY too many characters for a 2 hour film. And third, while I (and my sister) had a lot of fun doing this, it was super hard and there are some that I am not as happy about than others. So if you want to make suggestions (although I can't imagine anyone powering through this post till the very end), feel free.

So, without further ado: A Buffy Reboot I Might be Interested in (Assuming Joss Whedon was Involved).

Buffy Summers: Chloe Moretz

When I thought of Buffy, I immediately went to Chloe Moretz. This girl is playing (an awesome looking) Carrie at 15, she was Hit Girl at 12 (the picture above is from Kick Ass 2), and all the smaller roles I've seen her in have been just freaking awesome. This girl has the chops to pull off all that Buffy Summers is. I really would get excited about Chloe being the Vampire Slayer.

Willow Rosenberg: Anna Kendrick

Look at any picture of Allyson Hannigan and you'll have an idea how how hard picking her replacement was for me. Willow is one of my all time favorite characters and it's a terrifying prospect of anyone playing her but Allyson. But I think Anna Kendrick could do it. She's adorable like Allyson, she's a nerd so she could pull off the nerd side of Willow, and I just like her. Allyson did an amazing job as Willow, Evil Willow, Vampire Willow, Willow-Playing-Vampire-Willow Willow, Depressed Willow, Addict Willow, Geeky Willow, Spazzy Willow, and all other Willows in between so it really was hard to pick someone else to take on all that. I get an Allyson vibe from Anna, so I'll give it a shot. My sister favored Alison Brie for Willow, but for some reason I just like Anna better.

Xander Harris: Anton Yelchin






Again, maybe not a perfect fit, but serviceable. Xander is the reliable, always there for you, all but useful in a fight, best friend. He's a bit skinny in the beginning, turns into a bit of a stud with a swimmer body for a while, fills out in the later seasons, and plays all three body types as a total nerd. I think Anton could pull that off too. It's just a bonus that he's well versed in fighting and being terrified of vampires. Plus, he could totally rock the eye patch.

Rupert (Ripper) Giles: Stanley Tucci

There's not as specific reason I picked Stanley Tucci other than the fact that I love him and he can do anything. Giles is the librarian/Watcher/father figure with a troubled past and just a little bit sexy rock star and Stanley Tucci embodies all of those so this part would be cake for him. I also wouldn't mind Alan Cumming. 

Angel: Jensen Ackles

The man is BEAUTIFUL, super tough, has perma-gel hair (even during the zombie apocalypse), and has the brooding thing down. What else do you need to be Angel? Also, did I mention he was almost too beautiful to be real? 

Spike: Tom Hiddleston

Jensen Ackles may be laughably beautiful, but he's definitely not my type. Spike however, definitely is. So to replace this character that oozes sex appeal, I had to pick an actor that oozed sex appeal. No one does so more for me right now than Tom Hiddleston. He's got the perfectly thin physique, the fantastic cheekbones, and would pull off the bleached blonde hair really well. Not to mention one of the best and classiest actors alive. That probably just means that he has a British accent and does Shakespeare, but still. He's awesome. And super sexy. 

Drusilla: Amanda Seyfried

It's probably just the eyes, but my mind immediately jumped to Amanda Seyfried to play Drusilla. Drusilla bugs the hell out of me, but there's no Spik without Dru and I think an Amanda Seyfried Dru would bother me a lot less than Juliet Landau. I always did like the idea of Drusilla, but not the execution. Crazy vampire? Who doesn't love that idea? 

Cordelia Chase: Kristin Bell

This was another really hard one. Cordelia's story arch is one of my favorites. In her three seasons on Buffy and three (or four?) seasons on Angel, she goes from the ultimate stereotypical mean, airheaded cheerleader to the character with a huge heart, incredibly smart (she was always smart, you just didn't see it as much in the beginning), brave, selfless, and has a more interesting relationship with Angel than Buffy does. You always like her, but she grows probably the most out of anyone in the Buffyverse (maybe it's a toss up with Spike). I chose Kristin Bell because I think she can make that same progression as realistic as Charisma Carpenter did. Plus, she's gorgeous like Cordelia should be. 

Joyce Summers: Samantha Ferris 

I went a little off-script for Buffy's mom, Joyce. Joyce was a typical mom. Kind of clueless to what her daughter was doing in the first couple of seasons, but willing to smack a guy in the head with an axe when her daughter was threatened. I always wanted to see Joyce as a stronger, firmer character, and I think Samantha Ferris would be great at that. It really would change the whole dynamic of the show, but it would be interesting to see. 

Wesley Wyndam-Price: Felicia Day

Gender swap here. And this is technically cheating since Felicia Day was in the seventh season of Buffy as a Potential, but I just love her so much and I want her to be in everything. I haven't seen her as a darker character yet, but I really want to so I thought she'd make a good Wesley. Speaking of which, He's in the running for biggest story arch as well - not quite full circle, but his growth is all over the place over the course of one season of Buffy and all 5 seasons of Angel. Anyway, I want to see Felicia Day move through that progression. I just want to see her everywhere. 

Dawn Summers: Kiernan Shipka

Dawn is Buffy's fake but kind of real little sister/key to opening up all the different dimensions and she's a horrible character when she shows up in season 5. Seriously, so annoying. She gets better through six and doesn't bother me at all in seven, so it's not forever. I think Kiernan Shipka wouldn't really bother me at all, even as a crazy annoying teenager. I've been impressed with her performance on Mad Men and look at how cute she is!

Andrew Wells: ...I just can't

I had Ben Schwartz all ready to go to replace Tom Lenk as Andrew, but I just can't do it. Andrew is another favorite character of all time and Tom Lenk is just so completely perfect, I just can't do it. His character, body language, and lines are all so perfectly executed. Man, I'm rewatching Buffy as I type this and I just want to skip to season six just for him. Really, Tom Lenk is just irreplaceable. The same goes for Jonathan too, by the way. Not that I love him as much as Andrew, but I couldn't think of anyone else to play him. 

Tara Maclay: Georgie Henley

Tara is Willow's girlfriend. I didn't like her for a long time because Willow's relationship with Tara kind of makes her relationship with Oz less special, but she's grown on me over time (although she still bothers me in season 4). Tara is super shy and kind of homely but blossoms into the woman pictured above with a huge heart and she really is an underrated character in season six. Now, I've only seen Georgie Henley in the Narnia movies, but I think she'd be cute as Tara. 

Oz: Mae Whitman

Oz is Willow's boyfriend for seasons 2-4 and their relationship is my favorite in the Buffyverse. In fact, I'm watching their scene in the van right now where Willow first kind of falls in love with Oz. Man... theirs really is my favorite relationship in the entire show and so naturally, it's the most tragic. Although, the relationship between Wesley and Fred is also amazing, and it might be more tragic than this. Joss just loves doing that and I hate it. So much. The reason I did a gender swap here was because Willow realizes she's gay in season 4. Of course, it's right when Oz comes back from his trip where he tries to get his werewolf-ness under control. He breaks her heart when he leaves, she breaks his when he comes back and it's terrible twice. And really, their relationship is so, so special. Too special for her to be gay the whole time. I would have loved if Willow had realized she was bisexual so she could love Oz and Tara equally. But no, she's just gay. So I decided to make her always know she's gay. Joss knew she was going to be gay by season three, but maybe not two. So just realize that a little earlier and don't ruin their love! Also, I wanted to use Mae Whitman as something, and I think she'd be a great Oz.

Principal Snyder: Bradley Whitford

Nothing needs to be said here if you know Principal Snyder and Bradley Whitford. Half the characters Whitford plays are Principal Snyder-esque. This is the one place I agree with the guy that wrote the article that prompted this very long-winded post of mine. 

The Mayor: Giancarlo Esposito

The Mayor. Everyone's favorite villain. Wholesome, family man and an evil little bugger. This one was a tossup between Giancarlo Esposito and Bryan Cranston. I don't know why my mind went to Breaking Bad for the role of the Mayor. Probably because they're both fantastic actors and would do a fantastic job. Or because the article chose Cranston for this role. Esposito won for me due to Affirmative Action, I guess. Sunnydale, California needs a lot more diversity. Way more than I'm giving it. 

Riley: Jared Padalecki

Riley. Season four boyfriend. Wholesome army guy. I do realize this is the third Supernatural actor I've used, but it's been on my mind/TV screen lately, and I apologize, but I have two more. Although one of them I know from many other things. Anyway, Jared would work very well as Riley. They're both tall, have a great body (really, Jared has a GREAT body...), Sam is (generally) wholesome in Supernatural, and Jared could totally rock the camo. 

Faith: Hailee Steinfeld

I'm taking a gamble with this one. I loved Hailee Steinfeld in True Grit and I think there's a lot of acting ability in her. I just don't get the bad girl vibe from her that you need with Faith. I thought of Mila Kunis cause she could for sure do that side of Faith, but I'll take the chance and hypothetically hire Hailee. 

Anya: Brie Larson

Again, way too hard to pick Anya's replacement. Anya's super cute and Brie Larson's super cute. That's mainly the connection I made. I've enjoyed what I've seen of Brie and I think she might do well at being "newly human and strangely literal." 

Ethan Rayne: Sebastian Roche

I know, more Supernatural, but Sebastian Roche is amazing and I wanted to use him and Ethan is just perfect. Granted, he's only in a couple episodes, but I always liked Ethan and in this version of Buffy, he'd be in the show more. 

Caleb: Mark Sheppard

Last character, promise. Also another Supernatural actor, but Mark Sheppard has been in everything, so I'm gonna say it doesn't really count. He's in Firefly, Doctor Who, Dollhouse, X Files, 24, Battlestar Galactica, White Collar, Warehouse 13, and lots of other stuff I haven't seen. He's another actor that I want to see in everything. Luckily, he almost is. And don't you think he'd make a fantastic misogynist priest with superpowers in league with the First Evil who has the best exit of any big bad in the entire Whedonverse while yet maintaining a bit of sexy which makes his misogyny that much worse? Man... I can't wait to get to season seven. 

Sorry I'm so long-winded.    

Fictional people I love

Time for a new post and I felt like writing about this. These will be in no particular order even though they're numbered.

1. Buffy Summers

Okay, no particular order, but it's pretty much impossible for anyone to replace Buffy Summers in my heart. The scene from this picture does a good job of explaining why I love her. She's fighting the vampire (remember, this was before vampires were lame) she loved because he turned evil (long story). This guy threatened her mother and best friends, tortured her father-figure, broke her heart, and now she's fighting him in order to save the world. This moment, she's on the ground, tired and supposedly beaten. Angel says, "No weapons, no friends, no hope. Take all that away and what's left?" As he says this, he lunges a sword towards Buffy's face. She catches the blade between her palms, opens her eyes and says, "Me." She then proceeds to kick his butt all the way to hell (literally).

If you've ever heard me talk about television, you know how much I love Joss Whedon. He creates amazing worlds with amazing characters and is one of the only big Hollywood writers that can write women as three-dimensional characters. One of my favorite quotes of Joss is from a speech he gave at an Equality Now event. He's giving us a pretend exchange between himself and a reporter in which the reporter asks why he keeps writing such strong female characters. "Because you're still asking me that question."

There are plenty of people out there who study feminism and film that say he isn't all that he's cracked up to be, but I still love him. He writes his characters to be strong, but more importantly, he writes them to be real. Even when they're playing kitten poker with vampires and demons.

2. Eowyn

"'Come not between the Nazgul and his prey! Or he will not slay thee in thy turn. He will bear thee away to the houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness, where thy flesh shall be devoured, and thy shrivelled mind be left naked to the Lidless Eye.'
A sword rang as it was drawn. 'Do what you will; but I will hinder it, if I may.'
'Hinder me? Thou fool. No living man may hinder me!'
...'But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Eowyn I am, Eomund's daughter. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him.'"

Then she kills him like, 5 paragraphs later because that's how Tolkien rolls. Let's ignore the BEAUTIFUL prose above (I think I'm going to have to take a break from Neil Gaiman and brush up on my tied-for-favorite novel) and just talk about Eowyn.

Tolkien is notoriously bad at writing women into his books. Exactly four women are characters in Lord of the Rings (and from the other Tolkien books I've read, that's doing really well): Rosie Cotton, Arwen, Galadriel, and Eowyn. This in a book over 1,000 pages long and a myriad of characters. It's probably because of that she stands out to me so much. You don't get to know Rosie at all (I don't even think she has dialogue), Arwen's too perfect, Galadriel rocks my socks but again, she's an elf and therefore perfect. Eowyn actually has a story arc and she's someone I aspired to be like as a teenager. She's independent, afraid, brave, loyal, loving, confused, and strong. She really is amazing.

3. The Doctor

I wrote an entire blog post on this show, so I won't go too far into it.

The first word The Doctor says in the new series is "run" and he never stops. He travels everywhere throughout space and time (although he does take a liking to modern-day London), fixes everything, screws a lot up, goes crazy, makes mistakes, makes friends, gets them killed, and everything in between. He's 900 years old and acts like a child so he doesn't have to look back on everything he's done. He's just fun.

4. Winston Smith

My other tied-for-favorite novel (although I may have to reevaluate now that I've read American Gods). Winston Smith is everyman. Overweight (at least I always pictured him to be a bit), unhealthy, just trying to get by. All that starts to change when he writes in a blank book. He's committed a crime just by doing that. It starts small and grows. He does the seemingly little things to stick it to Big Brother eventually leading him to try to find a group whose mission is to overthrow everything. I won't give away the ending just in case you haven't read it (if not, drop what you're doing and read it right now), but Winston is the unlikeliest of heroes who may or may not do the impossible.

5. Gob/Buster/Tobias

I honestly can't choose among these guys. Even picking these three out from the whole Bluth family is hard.

"Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money. Or candy!"
"Hey, brother."
"I'm afraid I just blue myself."
"BEADS!?"
"Army had a half day."
"Who'd like a banger in the mouth?"
"I've made a huge mistake."
"The seal is for marksmanship."
"Don't leave your uncle T-bag hanging!"
"Am I in two-thirds of a hospital room?"
"We've got unlimited juice? This party is gonna be off the hook."
"Michael, if I may take off my pants and pull my analrapist stocking over my head, I think George Michael may be suffering from what we in the soft-sciences call 'Obsessive Compulsive Disorder,' or 'the O.C. Disorder.'"
"Looks like a guy you think may be called 'Hermano' is going to get his ass kicked."
"I know she's a brownish area.. with points."
"Do these effectively hide my thunder?"

I could go on.

6. River Tam

Another Joss creation. If River had been able to have the 5 season story arc Joss had planned, she would have given Buffy a run for her money. This girl is incredible and this shot is one of my favorites in cinematic history. The doors open slowly to reveal a 90 pound 17 year old surrounded by a piles of dead Reavers with the Alliance ready to shoot. As the blood drips off the axe, we see River deciding whether to turn her blade onto them. We've only recently found out that she kicks major butt and for 14 episodes she was pretty much just crazy. 14 episodes and a movie did not do this woman justice.

Also... she can kill you with her brain.

7. The Count of Monte Cristo

Get that terrible movie out of your head. We're talking Alexandre Dumas' here, who wrote a man whose entire life is stripped from him by men he knows and men he doesn't for reasons it takes him years to discover. When he finally escapes from prison, he attains unbelievable wealth and uses it to hunt down and destroy his enemies. Again, this process takes years and he's practically an old man by the time he finishes. He slowly ruins the men who played a role in his demise and in doing so, ruins men who were merely passersby as well as himself. By the end he's a shell of a man, gutted by the vengeance he dedicated his life to. He's one of the most interesting characters I've ever read and it's fascinating to see his motivations as his world and convictions crumble. You begin by cheering him on and end up condemning him. Really, one of the best characters I've ever read.


I'll call that good for now. Mainly because I have to work tomorrow.