Sunday, August 4, 2013

Gender Swapping pt. V: Lord of the Rings

Before I get started, I just want to say that this post was a lot more tedious than it should be. Last time I gender swap something with 19 characters. The swaps with short descriptions are the ones I did towards the end. They're short because I was ready to be done swapping LOTR.

When I first decided to gender swap my favorite things, I stumbled upon this website: It's a gender swap of Lord of the Rings and it got a lot of attention fairly recently. Seeing it everywhere reminded me that I wanted to continue this gender swapping thing of my own. I also realized that Lord of the Rings is one of my favorite things and it could use some major gender work.

Side note: I still think they miscast Frodo. I have nothing against Elijah Wood, and actually when Fellowship first came out I was more than a little bit obsessed with him (blame it on the obsessive personality coupled with boy-crazy teenage hormones). But once I got over him and was able to look at the LOTR cast objectively, I was able to see that I just didn't like him for the role. Frodo was in his 50s when he left the Shire. And yes, a hobbit's 50 is closer to a human's 35, but Elijah Wood was 18 when filming started. 18! He did a fine job, but he really was too young.

Anyway, here is my gender swapped Lord of the Rings.

Frodo Baggins - Emily Blunt


So at this point I'm mostly reusing actors, and I apologize for that. Turns out I'm not very good at this game. I'm really good at seeing a face and telling you everything they've been in, but I'm not so good at coming up with those faces on my own. Hence me using the same actors over and over. Deal with it. They're good actors.

Back to Frodo. I like Emily Blunt for everything, but she would rock a Frodo. Especially more of a book Frodo.

Samwise Gamgee - Jennifer Connelly 


I don't know why Sam was so hard to cast for me, but he was. But I'm happy with my choice. I'm sticking to it.

Bilbo Baggins - Julie Andrews


Don't tell me you wouldn't love to see Julie Andrews go crazy over The One Ring. Although I don't even know if she'd agree to even appear in a movie like LOTR. I think the darkest movie she's ever been in is Thoroughly Modern Millie. But that's the thing - she hasn't been in a darker role (at least that I've seen) and I think it'd be super interesting to see her take on a character like Bilbo. But he really is light-hearted and a jolly fellow, so it wouldn't be that big of a leap.

Gandalf - Judi Dench


Okay, guys. Let me tell you how hard this was. It was very hard. I kept going back and forth between Judi Dench and Helen Mirren. This is why I struggled: Judi Dench would be a great Gandalf the Grey while Helen Mirren would make a great Gandalf the White. Plus both of them could do either. I just felt like Judi Dench would do the playful/grumpy Gandalf perfectly and Helen Mirren would be fantastic at grumpy/playful Gandalf. I decided I had to think about Saruman as well since I'd probably end up using one of these fine women for him, and in the end I liked Judi Dench for Gandalf and Helen Mirren for Saruman. Although the two could easily trade places and it would be just as fantastic. Wow. I just pictured Helen Mirren and Judi Dench fighting in Orthanc. How phenomenal would that be?

Meriadoc Brandybuck (Merry) - Jenna Coleman


I do love Merry. And I enjoyed Jenna Coleman's performance on Doctor Who this season. I didn't like her character, but that's probably why I like her for Merry. I want to see her play a character with her own story, and not just one that turns out to revolve COMPLETELY around another person. (Really, Moffat? Really? "Born to save the Doctor"? Ugh...)

Peregrin Took (Pippin) - Carey Mulligan


Remember how Pippin is the youngest of the four hobbits but Billy Boyd was the oldest actor? Yeah, he looks young, but Elijah Wood still looked younger. Okay, last I'll say about that. Anyway, Carey Mulligan. I will never get over how much I love any short haircut she has. She'd also make a great Pippin. Young and carefree until pretty much the worst year ever changes all that. She'd play that transition well.

Legolas - Jessica Chastain 

I knew I wanted to use Jessica Chastain for something, but I couldn't figure out what. Then I remembered Legolas and all was well in my nerd world. (Until I remembered that we still don't have a Wonder Woman movie...)

Gimli - Lucy Lawless 

She just needs to be in everything awesome. She's only in awesome things cause she makes whatever she's in awesome. Except Two and a Half Men. Not even she can make that awesome. But she made up for it by voicing Wonder Woman once.

Aragorn - Kate Winslet 

Apparently Aragorn/Legolas slash fiction is a thing. I just found some fanart while looking for a picture of Aragorn. Man, they've got slash fiction for everything these days. Can't anyone have a platonic friendship anymore?

Back to Kate. I want to see her all unkempt and dirty. Also she'd be perfect. But she'd be perfect for anything, so that's not really an observation worth mentioning. Cause really. She can do anything.

Boromir - Michelle Dockery 


And there's the Boromir/Aragorn slash fiction... Okay, I just saw the fanart, but where there's fanart, there's fanfiction. I have nothing against fanfiction, by the way. It's just not my cup of tea. Especially slash fiction.

Also finding this picture of Michelle Dockery made me sad. I still haven't gotten over season 3... But Mary has long been my favorite character on Downton Abbey because she was the only one who I felt like had any real depth for a while. And what is Boromir if not deep and complicated?

Arwen - Benedict Cumberbatch 


I originally had picked Tom Hiddleston for Arwen and Benedict Cumberbatch for Galadriel, but then I thought of what I think is the perfect Galadriel and had to move things around. I realized I liked Cumberbatch better for Arwen. I don't know why. Hiddleston is more classically handsome and Arwen is supposed to be the second most beautiful thing ever to be created or something, but this man personifies 'ethereal.' I don't know how I feel about him and Kate Winslet, but I wasn't a fan of Liv Tyler and Viggo Mortensen anyway.

Galadriel - Patrick Stewart


That's Right. Gurney Halleck himself (I don't know why I thought that would be so funny...but I'm laughing). I was contemplating Cumberbatch and it wasn't sitting right with me. I thought I needed someone older and BAM! Patrick Stewart. I could put this man in any role and he'd own it, but he'd be especially fantastic as Galadriel. Speaking of which, anyone else excited to see her lay Dol Guldur to waste? I had to sit through the unofficial Hobbit panel at Comic-Con in order to get a seat for Hannibal and they said we'd for sure see that. That'll probably be my biggest fangirl moment in all three films. And yes, part of that is because I don't expect the next two to be all that great based on An Unexpected Journey.

Elrond Half-elven - Emma Thompson  


Cause, you know. Duh.

Saruman - Helen Mirren 

I'm pretty sure I went over this well enough with Gandalf. Either that or I'm getting tired cause it's close to bedtime and this game is long.

Eomer - Gillian Anderson

Because Gillian Anderson needs to be in everything.

Eowyn - Tom Hardy

I'm thinking more Inception Tom Hardy and not Dark Knight Rises Tom Hardy. At least as far as build goes.

Theoden - Jennifer Ehle


We're going to go ahead and ignore the fact that Jennifer Ehle is a year younger than Gillian Anderson.

Faramir - Kelly Macdonald


This is just one of those things that I love and I can't explain why. Probably because I love Kelly Macdonald and I love Faramir (book Faramir more than movie Faramir). I guess she just pulls off that I'm-sad-cause-my-father-hates-me-but-I'll-do-my-duty-anyway look really well. Although in this version it would be her mother that hates her...

Denethor - Lindsay Duncan 


Lindsay Duncan is one of those women who I had seen in pretty much everything, but I could never remember who she was. Once I put all of her roles together and realized they were all the same person, I decided I wasn't going to forget her because she's awesome in everything she does. Not that she's a forgettable actor, she just plays every character I've seen her as so well and uniquely that it took me a while to realize it was all one person.