Tuesday, August 23, 2016

An Ode to Beards

My boyfriend and I are going to Switzerland for a week and a half. I know, I know, it's all very exciting, but I was surprised by the following text from said boyfriend today: "Should I grow out my beard the whole time we are in Switzerland?" I responded with a moderately enthusiastic response intended to hide my true feelings, which were roughly this:

Because, come on. Beards are way dang freaking sexy. But you don't have to take my word for it...

Ewan McGreggor

I mean, he's kind of amazing in any iteration, but bearded and black and white? Come on!

Tom Hardy

There are just too damn many sexy pictures of a bearded Tom Hardy.

Jon Hamm

This is one of the many reasons why you pick Jon Hamm over Don Draper.

Simon Pegg

Those who know me know I'd take Simon Pegg in any form, but sexy bearded Simon Pegg is my favorite Simon Pegg.

Patrick Stewart

What makes the most distinguished man alive even more so? Facial hair.

Idris Elba

It's probably not fair that he was blessed with so many sexy attributes apart from sexy beards, but I'm not complaining.

Joe Manganiello

Ugh, the guy is stupid hot. This isn't even the best picture I found, but I thought it might be irresponsible of me to post it here.

The Chrises 

I may be getting tired of Marvel movies, but they sure do know how to cast bearded eye candy.

Hugh Jackman

I'd even take the Wolverine sideburns if I had to.

Nick Offerman

Mustache, beard, scruff, this guy can do it all.

Adam Scott

That squirrel gets it.

Michael B. Jordan

Double whammy with the rolled up sleeves.

Charlie Cox

He doesn't even need the washboard abs.

Justin Timberlake

That beard almost make it so his all-jean outfit never even happened.

Donald Glover

Magic Mike XXL really dropped the ball when they shaved his face for that movie.

Joel McHale

Want to know what the most attractive man I've ever seen in real life had? A beard.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

The Correct Ranking of the Men of Jane Austen

One of my favorite internet writers wrote a piece for one of my favorite websites ranking some of my favorite men in some of my favorite movies. 

However, she got it wrong, and I'm annoyed (and bored) enough to correct it.

Here is the undeniably correct ranking of the leading men of Jane Austen movies. Please note the lack of Matthew Macfadyen.

10. Dan Stevens as Edward Ferrars, Sense and Sensibility (2008)

I think "adorable" is the right word here. A far cry from "smoldering," but cute enough to include.

9. Johnny Lee Miller as Edmund Bertram, Mansfield Park (1995)

He's dumb, but at least he's pretty.

8. Alan Rickman as Colonel Brandon, Sense and Sensibility (1995)

Yes, his relationship with Marianne will always be just a little bit off putting, but I never want him to stop talking. 

7. Laurence Olivier as Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice (1940)

Sure, this version for some reason took place about 80 years later and it ended abruptly after we find out that (twist!) Lady Catherine started the whole Darcy/Elizabeth ship, but hoo boy! Laurence Olivier could get it! 

6. Hugh Laurie as Mr. Palmer, Sense and Sensibility (1995)

Everything about this character is perfect. So much so that I'm just going to leave this video here for you...

5. Johnny Lee Miller as Mr. Knightley, Emma (2009)

This guy just keeps getting better with age. 

4. Paul Rudd as Josh/Mr. Knightley, Clueless (1995)

Paul Rudd is always (ALWAYS) the best thing about whatever he's in. 

3. Jeremy Northam as Mr. Nightley, Emma (1996)

The man can rock a cravat and is well worth suffering through two hours of Goop. Also, I think I have a thing for Mr. Knightley in general.

2. Ciaran Hinds as Captain Wentworth, Persuasion (1995)


I sometimes go back and forth between Darcy and Wentworth, but sentimentality gets the better of me in this case (which is surprising to anyone who knows me well enough to know I am not a sentimental person). Still, it's a very close call.

1. Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice (1995)

Look at that smile. Look at that smile and tell me that Colin Firth is not the embodiment of Mr. Darcy. The guy has played that same character not once, but FOUR TIMES for a reason!

Matthew Macfadyen... Come on, Rebecca!